Engagement Ceremony

Indian Wedding culture celebrates marriage as a Sanskar, a rite enabling two individuals to start their journey in life together.  In Hindu wedding, the multiplicity of creation becomes possible when man unites with woman.  Hindu wedding lays emphasis on three essential values:

• Happiness
• Harmony and
• Growth.

In earlier days, institution of marriage should be held in day time, but now a days it is held in the evening.  Engagement ceremony is also known as Mangni.  This is to bless the couple, who are then given gifts, jewelry and clothing by their new family.

On this day, the groom’s family (Brother, sisters, sister-in-laws, brother-in-laws and all close relatives) go to brides home taking with them on a silver plate puja items for the Tilak i.e. roli, haldi, rice, sweets, dry fruits, ring and sometimes a garland.  They also take outfits / sarees and sweet boxes and other gifts for the bride and their families.  

The groom's sister on this occasion brings a platter full of clothes, toys, cosmetics, dry fruits etc and place it into the lap of thebride.  The toys in the platter is believed to a secret wish from the groom's family to have a fertile bride who will bear the future progeny of the family.  This is also called God Bharai.

The bride is dressed grandly in tradition lengha or saree which is given to bride by her mother in law.  Now a days, it’s a practice to send that saree before a day, so that girl can dress up in the same saree and reach to the destined place.  The bride sits on a silver chowki or any designer chowki surrounded by all the ladies who had come to perform thetikka and members of her own family.  They all sing the traditional wedding songs to the bride (now-a days, it is sung by a naeen). Their groom’s sister / bhabhi puts tikka on her forehead and bride worn all jewelry like necklace, kangani, bangles, payal, etc. there itself brought by her inlaws by her sister-in-laws. The doll / baby boy toy bears a special significance as they are presented to the bride with a wish that she may bear many children in the future.  All the gifts signs of marital bliss and are considered shubh.  Now a day’s flowers jewelry is also in fashion. The groom’s sister feed her some sweet.

After this mother in law of the girl do minsai.  (Minsai is a collection of 9 items in a small pack like 7 kaju, 7 badam…….and so on of your choice with 11 rupees of whatever you wish inside.  You can also take a small pouch in which you can put these items.  In this tradition girl touch these items and then given to seven little girls in ceremony if they are not available than it can be given outside also.)  And one green color gota saree is also to be get touched by the hands of the girl and then given to some pandit or panditayan.

The bride’s family in turn also gives gifts of cash, silver and gold jewelry, clothes to the groom and his relatives.

Then Milni is done and gifts are distributed.   

Then both the families performs geet, Sangeet, dance programs.

Traditionally an Agarwal Sangeet involved ladies of the families getting together and singing wedding songs to bless the bride.  Today, the modern sangeet is a spectacular event consisting of performances by family and friends, most of the time organised in the form of skit.  The skit tells the story of the bride and the groom in interesting commentary, music and dance.  Later in the evening, the dance floor is opened up to all the guest to celebrate.

Tentative list of items, I have mentioned in my earlier post.

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Roka Ceremony: The first function in any Hindu Wedding

The tradition of a roka ceremony is to symbolize the coming together of the two families of the couple. Roka literally means to stop in Hindi. It symbolizes that the search of the families for the boy and girl has stopped. In other words, you can say stamping is officially hooked and booked to both the boy and girl.

Basically, it is a kind of first ceremony where the boy and girl’s families and relatives gather and give approval to relation.  It’s a firm belief to check that both the family should not be of the same gotra.

To ensure that the boy and girl are not from the same gotra, it is customary to check the gotra before the marriage itself. (it is said that weddings within the same gotra are nonreligious and sinful. Therefore, before the roka ceremony, we must call a pandit for the approval of the match.

It’s not a very complicated ritual. It starts with the Tika ceremony (applying roli and rice grain) on the forehead of both boy and girl. In this ceremony girl’s family present a token gift in cash or some gift or some gold Ginni to the boy. Similarly, his family reciprocates this gesture to the girl.

In some families, the two may exchange rings. In this ceremony, the girl is adorned with red chunni by her to be mother in law along with gold jewellery, cash, and clothes. They exchange sweets, and dry fruits and shower blessings on the girl and boy for their happy married life. Milni is also a custom.  In this girl’s parents do milni, a kind of commitment in the form of money in an envelope that is given to the boy’s parents and their relatives followed by some food or refreshments served to all those who are present. The wedding date is announced after the matchmaking by Pandit ji.

Traditionally, it is at the girl’s home. But nowadays depending on the budget and convenience, some families keep it at an elaborate venue like a banquet or restaurant. This ceremony marks the beginning of a future bonding. It is only after this ceremony that the girl and boy are allowed to court.

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The Seven Vows

An Indian wedding is one of the most serious and startling affairs in any Hindu family, which is all about rituals and customs.  This is visible from the strictness with which it is performed. Every ritual and custom has its own meaning.  Though, the most important one is PHERAS solemnizing the seven vows of the marriage. This we can say the root of any marriage. 

Each vow of the seven pheras is the seven promise between the bride and groom to each other for a happy and prosperous life. They are bound together for life with an unseen bond powered by these promising words.

These seven vows are also known as Saptadi, which are performed along with each mangal pheras revolving around the holy fire known as Agni Sakshi.  Any marriage is incomplete without these vows and is deemed complete once they are conducted even in love marriages.  The groom leads the bride in the first four pheras and the bride leads in the last three pheras.

On the day of the wedding, the bride and groom sit under the mandap for this ritual.  

Seven Vows:

1st
Groom:

You will offer me food and be helpful in every way.  I will value you and provide well-being and happiness for you and our children.

Bride:

In return, the bride says that she will be responsible for the home, food, and all household responsibilities.

2nd
Groom:

The Groom promises to protect his bride, house, and children under all circumstances.

Bride:

The bride promises that she will be by his side as your courage and strength through his agonies and ecstasies.  

3rd
Groom

The groom promises to work hard to earn enough wealth for the family to provide them with a prosperous life and strive for the education of our children.

Bride:

In return, the wife promises to love you solely for the rest of her life and will effectively take care of the income and household expenses.

 

4th
Groom:

You have brought blessedness into my life, and have completed me.  May we be blessed with noble and obedient children.

Bride:

I will shower you with joy from head to toe.  I will strive to please you in every way I can.

5th
Groom:

You are my best friend and loyal well-wisher.  The groom promises to consult his wife in all important matters.
Bride:

In return bride also promise to love and cherish you as long as she lives committing your happiness is my happiness and your sorrows are my sorrows. 

I will trust and support you in all your endeavors.

6th
Groom:

I promise to remain committed and loyal to you and consider her alone as his soulmate.

Bride:

in return, the bride also promises to remain faithful and always be by his side.

7th
Groom:

Groom promises that we are now husband and wife and are one and will lead with you.  You are mine and I am yours for eternity.

Bride:

In return bride also promise that I am now your wife and will spend her life with him until the very end.   We will remain the best companion and best friends for a lifetime.

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MEHENDI CEREMONY

Indian marriages are known for their many rituals and customs and are incomplete with dance and music. In fact, the beauty of Indian weddings comes forth in the numerous traditions that are associated with the special celebration.

 Among the many traditions that are filled into Indian weddings, one of the main functions is the mehendi ceremony. On this day mehendi is applied on the hands and feet of the bride and even on the hands of the groom.

The bride has a very intricate design of the mehandi done on her hands and feet, the groom usually has just a token design on his hands.

It is commonly said that the darker the colour of the mehendi on the hands of the bride, the more will she be loved by her husband and mother-in-law.

These beliefs make the mehendi a much-expected and charming tradition, the actual reason is of much deeper significance, which is sometimes forgotten in the present day.

Over the centuries, mehendi has become so deep-rooted in Indian culture, today the mehandi ceremony has become one of the major functions before the wedding.

Nowadays mehandi expert applies mehandi on the palms and feet of the bride with a cone filled with mehandi. While the mehandi is applied, family members, friends and close relatives play the traditional dholak, geet and dance to its beats. Every female member of the family gets mehendi done on her hands and feet. The entire mood of a mehendi ceremony is extremely festive. 

 The mehendi ceremony takes place at the bride’s place and usually, and is a night ceremony that is accompanied by relatives with the masti of dance and music food, and lots of fun.

The mehendi ceremony for the groom takes place separately at his home.

It is great fun for both families. Traditional songs and music portray the ceremony from the beginning to the end in the festivity.

 

 

Card Template

These are just the sample:

Neera & Pramod Gupta

Request the honour of your presence at the
Engagement Ceremony of
Rahul

and
Hiteshi
on December the 1^st 2013
at 6 o’clock
at

Shah Auditorium

Sharing the happiness

·          

Neeraj, Sandeep Sanjeev Gupta

Cell Numbers…………………………………………….

********************************************

Uma Gupta W/o Late Shri Shankar Lal Gupta

Request the honour of your presence
at the marriage ceremony
uniting her Nephew

Rahul

(Son of Neera & Pramod Gupta)
and
Hiteshi

(Daughter of Mr. Satish Mittal)

On the auspicious day
Thursday, the fifth of December two thousand and thirteen

as per program given below:

Ghurchari                                 5:30 pm

From Residence ........................................................................., New Delhi – 110019

Assembly of Barat                     7:00 pm
At Riyasat Green Farms, Next to CDOT, Main Mandi Road, Sultanpur, Delhi 110030

You are requested to accompany THE BARAT
from Residence to VENUE

With Best Compliments From

xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cell No............................

--------------------------------

********************************************

Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens.

A good marriage must be created.

In marriage the little things are the big things.

It is never being too old to hold hands.

It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.

It is not only marrying the right partner; it is being the right partner.

*

Uma Gupta W/o Shri Shankar Lal Gupta

Request the pleasure of your

Presence and Blessings
for the auspicious occasion of the
wedding of her Nephew
Rahul

Son of Neera and Pramod Gupta
with
Hiteshi
Daughter  of Mr. and Mrs. Anil Mittal

Thursday, the fifth of December
Two thousand and thirteen

As per program given below:

Ghurchari                                 5:30 pm

From Residence mention address here New Delhi – 110019

Assembly of Barat                     7:00 pm

 At Riyasat Green Farms, Next to CDOT, Main Mandi Road, Sultanpur, Delhi 110030

You are requested to accompany THE BARAT
from Residence to VENUE

*
Sharing the happiness
Neeraj, Sandeep Sanjeev Gupta

Your blessings are our greatest gift!


**************************************

In the Central place of the Heart of every parents

There is a warm wish that their child leads a life with all sorts of happiness..

with the blessing hands of Lord Ganesha

Rahul

Son of ……………………….

Hiteshi

Daughter of ………………………………..

Are getting together on

Fifth December two thousand and thirteen

As per program

Please step down your foot at Riyasat Farm House

********************************

"for small functions, in which you have to invite only limited guests and wants to inform them about the programs, you can make out small note on some peace of papers like this and insert in the wedding envelops".

*********************************

Looking for your personal presence:

Program:

2^nd December 2013                            Bhaat Nautna at:

Mention the venue Address

...........................................

Tel No................................

3^rd December 2013                            Sunderkand PathThapa & 
                                                            Haldat

Bhaat Lena 
(In this ceremony brothers comes to your home and gives bhat to their sister)
Here is a custom saree given by the brother is worn (by mother of the groom) on the day of ghurchari
and suit given by mama is worn by the groom)
Sister gives warm welcome by doing tilak on the forehead of each brother, bhabhi and their kids and who so ever comes along with the brothers.

4^th December 2013                             Ladies Sangeet & Mehandi

With Best Regards

Neera & Pramod Gupta 

 

*********************

First invite template

Now comes to our first invitation.  Draft can be prepared like this.

वक्रतुण्ड महाकाय सुर्यकोटि समप्रभ

निर्विघ्नं कुरु मे देव सर्वकार्येषु सर्वदा

ओम गणपति महाराज जी

हमारे बेटे की सगाई शाह ऑडिटोरियम, सिविल लाइंस में 1 दिसंबर 2013 को है  और शादी 5 दिसंबर 2013 को रियासत फार्म हाउस, मांडी रोड पर है. 

प्रथम प्रार्थना निमंत्रण हम आप को भेज रहे हैं आप इसे कृपया स्वीकार करें!

आप् से अनुरोध है कि कृपया इन दोनों अवसर पर आप् नव विवाहित जोड़े को आशीर्वाद देने कॆ लिये जरुर जरुर पधारने की कृपा करॆ और पूरे काम किसी भी बाधा के बिना पूर्णता प्रदान करॆ

तुम्हारी प्रतीक्षा में

नीरा और प्रमोद

Address List

For preparing your address list: you can make out a excel list.  Its the most difficult task.Make up your mind in advance to whom you want to invite.   You can bifurcate  into:
In-laws relationship
Parent's house relationship.
Ask Each family members to prepare their invitee list
yourself and spouse invitee list
Groom's list
neighbor's list
Official circle list
and so on.

In this list you can mark on which occasion you want to invite whom and whom you want in all occassions and accordingly you can mark it here to whom you want to give milni and gift.  By making this you will have an rough idea of the estimate. Late on you can revise it accordingly.

While preparing list you can mention list as per the priority and relations, I mean whose list it is and when this lists are ready and in final go you can combine it.  This is your final list in which you can find the count head of your guests.

S. No.
Name and who else is with them (Like Mr. Mrs, Kids or who else is with them) This is important to prepare so that you can have the number of heads in your party.
Address
Mobile Number
Land line Number
Email ID
column: Occasions in which to invite Just tick mark like engagement Sunderkand/ Haldat / Geet Sangeet/Wedding etc.

You should must differentiate the list of invitees like Engagement guest: and mark after them how much amount of milni or gift you want to give that family and so on for all occasion, otherwise it will be a mess up.

In this you can make out a column also to whom you want to give envelope of milni of gift or whatever at what time.

For making labels: Now a days you can get self sticking stickers in the market very easily and for that template  link is given below.

Download this template and start typing on this.  Just take out the sticket and paste it on the envlople.  its simple.

Engagement ka saman

Engagement:

1.      Green Saree, Green Bangles (Puja ki Haath Laganay ki) Rupees

2.      Pitro kay clothes, Envelopes 2+2+1 (Inlaws, Daryaganj and from our side)

3.      Lengha, 4 Saree, 2 Suite

4.      Babua

5.      Toy / Camera = 5 piece

6.      Jewellery

7.      Mewa, Thaal, Mishri, Kalava

8.      Fruits Tokra

9.      Gift items

10.  Silver Katori

11.  Silver Coin

12.  Make-up Box

13.  Mehandi

14.  Kalava Jodi, Roli, Paan ka Bida,

15.  Supari

16.  Laung

17.  Flower Gulab kay 250 Gms

18.  Batasay 150 Gms

19.  Mithai – Nukti kay laddu one box

20.  Fruits 11

21.  Green Grass

22.  Dhoop – One packet

23.  Machis

24.  Rice 100 Gms

25.  Thali 1

26.  Lota

27.  Haar phoolon ka – 4

28.  Haldi ki gaanth – 5

29.  Payal

30.  HairOil

31.  Sweet Box chota

32.  Envelope 1100/- by me

33.  Sweet Boxes

34.  Namkeen

35.  Ring

36.  Flower Jewellery

37.  Haar Phool

38.  Lagan ki Puja, Roli, Chawal, Kalava, Pan ka Bida, Nukti ka Laddoo

39.  7 or 9 jagah Minsai ki thaili

40.  Sandel

41.  Purse

42.  Bride’s brother ka suite and sister’s cloth or who so ever you think of in the immediate relationship

Achuaai ki or Minsai 7 things: Meva, Rupees, Gola, Silver Coin for Sindoor, Mehandi, Sweet box small) Sindoor, Roli, Chawal, Bangles, kajal

Girl’s ki Taraf kay clothes:

Groom’s brother sister’s clothes

To carry for Engagement ceremony:

1 Lehanga

6 Saree

Bangles + 4 Silver Coin in Purse

Makeup kit, Hair Oil, Mirror, Comb, Lipstick

1 Babua + 4 Toy

4 Gole

1 Pair Kalava

Mew aka Thaal (Kaju, Badam Giri, Kishmish, Chura / toffee – Chocklate)

1 Small Silver Katori

20-25 Fruit Basket

1 Silver Coin Maang Bharai

5 Mishri kay kund with Silver Berak

6 pink color wool

21 piece gift

Jewellery

1 for God Red Color cloth

Sandle

Towel

Flower Jewellery

Mata ki saree green color with gota, 21/- rupees

14 Hari bangles

9 Thaili minsai ki and 5/- in each thaili

101/- Milk bakshwai

Aartay ka Thal ka saman:

·         Roli

·         Kalava : 2 golay

·         Paan – 11

·         Supari – 11

·         Ghee – 100 Gms

·         Rui (Cotton): 100 Gms

·         Machis: 1

·         Rice: 100 Gms

·         Dhoop : 1 Pck

·         Ubtan

·         Gren Grass

All these things mentioned above can variant family to family, so better to take advice from the elders in the family or from the family pujari.

To Check & Finalize dates

Now when you finalized the match:

Its the time to book:

1. Engagement Venue
2. Engagement Party Date
3. Caterers (Make sure your caterer is licensed by your booked venue)
4. Event Decorator / Florists / Mandap
5. Videographer / Photographer
6. DJs
7. Invitation Card and its costing
8. Book Pandit (Find out his dakshina and all his contact info)
9. To make all arrangements for Baarat (Horse carriage, Dhol player, Band Baja or Shahnai) Must confirm all the selected vendor and some advance deposit so there is no last minute hassle.
10. Mehandi wala
11. Wedding dupatta for baratis 
12. To prepare all address for your invitations and also book some courier person.
13. Order your wedding rings
14. If your requirement for alcohol and bar arrangement.  Order in advance for liquor / alcohol and get permit for the same.
15. Prepare your all ceremony programs and other stationery.
16. Book choreographer or prepare yourself dance program for sagai ceremony (now a days family kids and all prepare the sangeet / dance performance for the night) Have all the sangeet performers submit their music to you.  Also send a song list to DJ of your choice.
17. Purchase gifts for your bridal party and close family members.
18. Get all the saris and lengha blouse stiched and packed (Must make sure that all your outfit are properly placed.
19. Call your all guests for reminding the dates and guess the final head count.
20. Must note and tick mark a timeline for all your wedding events.
21. Prepare a list of assignments for your party and family members

• Now its the time
•  To list all your final vendors and remind all their duties and if they want to give some advance token money
• Must prepare all your outfits ready and checked

Must see your budget:

Total Budget

• Ceremony: Cost of the venue, All transportation, Band wala etc. Horse carriage, All guests, family and bridal party to and from the hotel / house of the bride and groom to the ceremony site.
• Reception: Cost of the venue, Event rentals like chair, table, flower, glassware etc. caterers and servers including taxes and tips.  Bar and non-alcoholic beverages, wedding cake, valet parking.
• Music and Entertainment: Barat and ceremony music like dhol, DJs. Cocktai hour, bartender, reception entertainment and muck, DJ, Dancers, Live performers, if applicable.
• Decor: Mandap and ceremony decoration, chair covers, sashes, overlays, table linen, bride and bridsmaid's bouquets, flower umbrella
• Groom's or bride's ring
• Wedding Attire and jewellery: bridal saree, lehanga for the ceremony and reception, bride's lingerie, bride's jewellery, wedding bands, bride's sandal, Hair and make-up, mehandi, Groom's sherwani or suite, shoes
• Photography: photography, videography, CD or DVD of both the program, Engagement portraits
• Ceremony and receptions - album package.
• Stationery: Invitations and enclosures like RSVP cards and envelopes, maps, announcement cards, thank you note, postage, wedding program
• Sweet boxes with cards
• Wedding gifts for guests
• Dakshina for pandit ji

Programs or ceremonies to decide first

It’s a tedious job to decide on the programs. But in short, these are the program, which we will have to decide on after finalizing the match (Some do it only after janampatri-milan).

A small function, we can say a Roka Ceremony.

The formal Engagement / Teeka and God Bharai

After the Engagement ceremony following are the programs that should be finalized with date and time as per your suit:

     ·         Ganesh Puja

·         Sangeet

·         Mehandi / Mehandi ki Raat

·         Lagan Likhai

·         Bhat Ceremony

·         Bachelor's Party

·         Tel Baan and Mehandi

·         Haldi

·         Gaur Puja / Ganesh Pujan

·         Kangana

·         Sehra Bandhi

·         Ghurchari

·         Departure of Barat

·         Korath

·         Reception of Barat

·         Neem Jharai

·         Aarti

·         Seval

·         Varmala

·         Phere

·         Kanyadaan

·         Vidai

·         Doli

·         Darwaja Rukai

·         Vadhu Pravesh

·         Mooh Dikhai

·         Seer Guthai

·         Kul Devi Darshan

Indian Wedding

Indian weddings are in fact a very elaborate affair, very colorful and lavish. The festivities of the Indian wedding start at least two weeks in advance.

It is not just a silent affair but one of the most important events in the life of every Indian family.  It starts with a search for the perfect match followed by celebrations, beginning and lasting before and after marriage.

It’s like a festivity in the family creating a feeling of celebration.  In such an environment, of excitement and happiness one knows no bound in the family. The exchange of gifts and greetings is a common sight. The bride and bridegroom are adorned with valuable jewels and outfits. The expenditure, pomp, and show make it an extravagant affair.  Not only the pomp and show but the whole environment at an Indian wedding is bright, colourful and grand.  Elaborated preparations are done in terms of food, fun floral decoration, etc.


It is a common custom in Hindu family, the bridegroom's family, relatives, and friends reach the bride's  house in a procession, accompanied by a band, with the groom riding a ghodi dressed like a prince charming wearing a garland and safa on head and phatka on the waist. The friends and relatives dance in front of the Barat procession.  Along with this fire-crackers are also burst to add to the festivities and announce the arrival of the groom. When the procession arrives at the bride's home, the bride's family advances to greet the procession with a Tilak, a garland, and a sign of gift, known as milni and typically in the form of money.

It is also usual to toss money into the air, which is gathered by the underprivileged and the band members.

The bride is then bought forward surrounded by her brothers, friends, and relatives for exchanging garlands with the groom.  After this, the bride and the groom are seated on the stage.

All the guests then come and give their good wishes and wedding gifts.  The most important part of the wedding is the taking of promises by the bride and the groom, who go around the fire seven times in the mid of chanting mantras by the pandit in the presence of guests who witnesses this union. After the ceremony is over, dulha and dulhan are pronounced as husband and wife and bidai is performed.

The functions do not end here, it continues for another two to three days, like the entry of the bride into the new family, the reception, and all the rituals to celebrate.  In short, an Indian wedding is a rich celebration with old rituals and ceremonies.

These rituals and ceremonies are religious in nature but they bind not only two people but also two families together in a strong bond.

weddingrituals.blogspot.com