Pre-Wedding ceremonies to Post wedding ceremonies

First thing is the Muhurtham: Setting a Date and Time for the Wedding

A canopy is erected at the wedding house   3 to 4 days before wedding.

o    Engagement Ceremony

o    God Bharai

o    Sangeet

o    Naandi or Ganesh Puja:  About a week before the wedding ceremony, a Ganesh Puja is performed by the groom in home and bride in hers by a pundit.  This puja is performed to negate the effect of any death in the family so that the marriage can go on, regardless.  The families also pray to Lord Ganesha to bless this endeavor (the wedding) and to remove any obstacles from their path.  They beg that he may bestow success, happiness, strength and wealth and invite him to be the presiding deity at the wedding ceremony.

o    Lagan Likhai:  In Lagan Likhai, a small puja is held in the prospective bride’s house.  Close relatives and friends are invited to attend the puja.  It is during this puja that an auspicious time for the rituals of the marriage also known as LAGAN OR MAHURAT is determined.  In the end, the formal wedding invitation and lagan patrika or letter indicating the wedding time hand delivered to the groom’s family to formally invite them to the wedding.

o    Lagan Likhai:  In Lagan Likhai, a small puja is held at boy’s house with same process and this lagan patrika is delivered at Mama of the boy’s place when sister goes to invite her brother to the marriage.

o    Bhaat:  The maternal uncle – ‘Mammas’ – role in the wedding ceremonies.

o    Bhaat is very important Agarwal wedding tradition.  The mama or the maternal uncle of the bride or the groom plays a very important role in the wedding festivities and ceremonies.  There is a valid reason for this, Marwari, Agarwal women are given lavish and generous gifts at their weddings.  By and large traditionally, do not make any further claims on their father’s wealth.  It automatically goes to her brothers.  Therefore at the wedding of his nephew or niece, it is expected that the Mama shows a great deal of generosity and plays a supportive role and can be depended upon to do the family proud.  This ceremony, Bhaat is a confirmation of this support.  It is conducted by the groom’s family and the bride’s family, in their respected homes.

o    The custom is a date is being fixed between the families and prior to the wedding, the mother of the bride or groom goes to her brother’s house to invite him for Bhaat. In turn sister take clothes, gifts, Moong, Rice, Sugar, Gur sweets, fruits etc.  to her brother’s place and their Bhabhi greets her at the gate and put Tilak on her forehead along with all the guest accompanied by the mother. 

o    Upon receiving the invitation, the mama or bride’s maternal uncle brings gifts for her and her entire family.  They are all welcomed insider the home with a teeka  on their forehead and seval (Seval in done by pouring some water on the earth from left and right side of the gate) than the brothers come inside the house. Brother gives her sister a tradition chunri / Saree to her sister, which she keeps with her always (literally for the rest of her life). She is presented with all sorts of gifts like clothes and jewelry, sweets namkeen, Moon, Rice, Gur, Sugar etc. in case of marriage of a girl, bride is adorned with the ear ring, nose ring, anklets and toe rings given to her by her mama and mami. 

o    Telvan:  Tel Baan:  This is a ritual performed by the groom and bride in their respective homes, either a day before or on the morning of the wedding ceremony depending on the auspicious time given by the pujari.

o    The bride/groom are 'prepared' for the wedding by all their close relatives - generally only the women of the families participate in this ceremony. Pure vegetable oils, fresh milk curds, henna and turmeric and all the ingredients for Tel Baan are separately put in bowls made of clay, put together in a plate. The ingredients are applied by the means of brushes made of grass. Family members take these grass brushes and dip them in the ingredients and apply it symbolically to their feet, knees, hands, shoulders and head seven times from bottom to top and then top to bottom. This is accompanied by some singing of folk songs.

o    Haldi: Haldat or Ubtan:  On the day of the wedding, in addition to the telvan, the haldi ceremony is also held where Ubtan or a paste made primarily of haldi or turmeric is rubbed on the bride. Ubtan made into a paste and applied on the face and arms and feet of the bride/ groom by their close family members.  

o    Thought is that haldi makes the bride glow. During the ceremony, the bride also gives a portion of the paste to her cousins and friends of marriageable age During Haldi ceremony, the families of both bride and groom apply a paste of turmeric on their body to make the skin glow. Ubtan made into a paste and applied on the face and arms and feet of the bride/ groom by their close family members. After the ritual bath, the groom or bride is dressed up   and aarti is performed. 

o    Mehandi: Intricate henna design applied on the hands. 

o    This ceremony is usually held in the afternoon or evening before the wedding ceremony. The bride invites her close female cousins and friends and midst music and often dancing, a 'Mehandi wali' is called to paint intricate designs on the hands and feet of the bride with henna paste. Of course these days, the friends and cousins also get Mehandi designs painted on to their hands and feet. It is tradition for the names of the bride and groom to be hidden in the design, and the wedding night is not to commence until the groom has found both names. After the wedding, the bride is not expected to perform any housework until her Mehandi has faded away.  Usually Agarwal families hire a traditional signers and dholak artist to entertain the guests, and number of professional henna artists to apply mehandi to all the ladies in attendance after these functions, dinner is served to all the guests.

o    Kangna:  On the day of the wedding, the bride and the groom, are also tied the Kangna or sacred thread on their right wrists. The Kangna is a red thread strung through iron chaaku (small iron knife for protection), turmeric sticks, supari (betel nut) and kaudis (shells). These are all symbols of good luck and to protect the bride and the groom from the evil eye or nazar.

o    Janev Ceremony (Janeva) – Marwari Pre-Wedding Tradition:  This is a Marwadi marriage ritual for the bridegroom in which he declares he is ready for marriage. Before wearing a three stranded holy thread (“Janev”), the groom pretends he is leaving the material world to become a monk/ascetic. His uncles (especially maternal uncle), persuade him to lead a married life. By wearing the “Janev”, the bridegroom indicates that he is ready for marriage.

o    Gaur Puja: 

o    In Gaur Puja, the bride is worshipped as Goddess Gauri or Parvati (consort of Lord Shiva), who is considered the perfect wife. As an Aryan princess marrying a non-Aryan, Lord Shiva, she merged herself completely with an alien culture and the unfamiliar lifestyle of her husband’s family. They bless her with a long and a happy married life, like that of Parvati and shower her with gifts. For the Gaur Puja, all of the bride’s family and extended family, form a circle around her. She hands husked rice or jaw to all of them turn by turn. After that they all walk around her, circling her seven times. While they do that, they offer the husked rice to her, to bring her happiness. Rice is a symbol of prosperity and fertility in Indian culture. At the end of the seven circles, everyone going around her offers her a present in her lap. In the end, the bride’s mama picks her up in his arms while she is still holding on to the pile of gifts, and places the bride in her mother’s lap.

o    Korath - Groom is personally invited to come to the wedding venue)   When the bride is ready and the auspicious time for the wedding is at hand, the men of the bride's family (her brothers, cousins, uncles etc.) go to the groom's home with a silver thali with rice, moong, jaggery, coconut the invitation card on it along with gifts of clothes and jewelry for the groom. Traditionally, the pujari also accompanies the family members. The groom accepts the invitation and prepares to leave for the wedding venue with his 'baaraat' - family and friends.

o    Var Nikasi:  The groom wears a pagdi or safa which is tied up by the Jija (Sister’s husband).  The groom also wears Kalgi.  A sehra either of flowers or of pearls is tied on the pagdi.  The sister in law (brother’s wife) of the boy applies kajal in his eyes.  Later groom’s sister tie golden threads to the reins of the mare in a ceremony called ‘Vaag gunthai’.  While the sister is performing the ritual, her husband holds the reins of the horse.  As a custom, the groom pays a visit to the temple first before proceeding to the girl’s house.

o    Barat:  (Groom leaves for the wedding venue) barat is one of the most fun filled traditions in the entire wedding ceremony.  It’s basically the procession, which proceeds from the house of the groom, towards the wedding venue.   The procession is attended by all the relatives and friends from the groom’s side.  The groom is majestic in a heavy off white gold brocade sherwani or suite length with precious stone embedded chain in gold.  Ornaments like a gold and pearl necklace and brooch to go with their orange turbans add up to the glitter of their ensemble.  He wears a bright red or saffron color turban called 'safa' and a necklace with seven rows of pearls strung on gold (satladi) or two rows of emeralds (panna).  On his turban is a 'sirpench' a kind of brooch. The groom sits on a white mare also richly decorated and armed with a sword- a Rajput tradition- and he sets off to bring his bride home. He is accompanied by all his relatives also wearing red turbans and a band which plays traditional music (although nowadays it is more popular film music that is played!!).The younger members of the baraat dance around and the groom arrives in this fashion at the wedding venue. 

o    “Baraat” is the bridegroom’s wedding procession. Sitting on a female horse, the groom sets off for the wedding venue. The “Baraat” is accompanied by a wedding band and the wedding party dances on the way to the marriage venue. The groom and his “Barat” visit a temple before reaching the wedding Mandap. The wedding “Baraat” is welcomed by male relatives of the bride. Key members of the “Baraat” wear a colorful Marwadi turban.  “Safa

o    Barat Swagat:   The Baraat is welcomed by the bride’s family at the venue entrance. On arrival at the gates of the wedding venue, the father and the mother of the bride welcomes the groom with an ‘aarti’ which is termed as the Baraat swagat.  Typically the male members on bride’s side greet their counterparts in the groom’s family by welcoming them with garlands and embracing them. This is also known as Milni.

o    Toran:  Meanwhile, the groom is escorted by members of the bride’s family. The entrance of the wedding venue is decorated with a toran or flower decorations. The groom hits the toran with a neem stick after which the mother of bride does an aarta and applies tilak to his forehead.  This wedding ritual is performed to war off the evil eye, before he steps inside the venue.

o    Neem Jhadai:  This is a typical Agarwal tradition, where the bride’s sister sprinkles water on the groom with a twig from a Neem tree. Neem tree has many medicinal uses and is hence considered a sacred tree by Hindus. In order to protect her brother-in-law from evil eye and harm, the bride’s sister ceremoniously sprinkles water from the Holy Ganges on the groom. In exchange she gets a small gift from the groom.

o    Batehari Puja:  Following the Toran, a welcome prayer or Bateri Puja is conducted, where the groom is showered with blessings and gifts by the father of the bride. The groom gives his word to the father of the bride that he will perform all the sacred rites of marriage according to his prescribed religious duty.

o    Aarti:  Mother of the bride honors the groom by performing the traditional Aarti, where she blesses him. She also puts a teeka on the groom’s forehead and wards off evil eye from him.

o    Flower’s chadar:  The bride in all her finery, is escorted to the wedding Mandap along with her all brother, sister and friends by her entourage amidst Vedic chants. First, the bride garlands the groom, accepting him as her husband, and the groom reciprocates.

o    Varmala:  Exchange of Garlands:  It’s a Mandap ceremony where the bride and the groom exchange the wedding garland amidst the chanting of sacred mantras as a gesture of acceptance of one another and a pledge to respect one another as partners.

o    Madhupak (Offering of Yogurt and Honey)
The bride’s father offers the groom yogurt and honey as the expression of welcome and respect.

o    Havan (Lighting of the Sacred Fire)
The couple invokes Agni, the god of Fire, to witness their commitment to each other. Crushed sandalwood, herbs, sugar rice and oil are offered to the ceremonial fire.

o    Pheras: Then the couple is escorted to a second Mandap to sit through the chanting of mantras by the priest to exchange the matrimonial vows. On completion of this round, they walk around a sacred fire to walk seven rounds, each round lending a significant meaning to the alliance. Upon completion of the seven rounds, they come out of the Mandap and touch the feet of the elderly members of the family to get their blessings as husband and wife.

o    Joota Chhupai:  This is the fun part for bride’s sisters and brothers, where they steal the groom’s shoes once he sits for the puja. The shoes are only returned to the groom in exchange for a heavy ransom.

o    Sindoor :  The groom applies a small dot of vermilion, a powdered red lead, to the bride’s forehead and welcomes her as his partner for life. It is applied for the first time to a woman during the marriage ceremony when the bridegroom himself adorns her with it.

o    Mangalasutra (Thread of Goodwill) A necklace worn specifically by married women as a symbol of their marriage.  . It is basically a black and gold beaded necklace with a gold or diamond pendant. Mangalsutra carries immense importance in Hindu weddings as well as in the lives of Hindu married women.

Rajaham (Sacrifice to the Sacred Fire) - The bride places both her hands into the groom’s and her brother then places rice into her hands. Together the bride and groom offer the rice as a sacrifice into the fire.

o    Paanigrahan – Bride and Groom Tie a Cloth: A cloth around the groom’s waist is tied to the bride’s bridal Saree or “Chunni”. This is “Granth Bandhan” or “Gathjoda”. After this the bride places her hand in her future husband’s hand and holy water is poured in it. This is “Paanigrahan”. The bride sits to the left of the groom.

o    36.   Mangalphera (Walk around the Fire) The couple makes four Mangal pheras around the fire in a clockwise direction representing four goals in life: Dharma, religious and moral duties; Artha, prosperity; Kama, earthly pleasures; Moksha, spiritual salvation and liberation. The bride leads the Pheras first, signifying her determination to stand first beside her husband in all happiness and sorrow. 

o    Saptapardi (Seven Steps Together)

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The bride and groom walk seven steps together to signify the beginning of their journey through life together. Each step represents a marital vow:

o    Jalastnchana (Blessing of the Couple)

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The parents of the bride and groom bless the wedded couple by dipping a rose in water and sprinkling it over the couple.

o    PHERAS: The seven steps and vows:

o    After the Varamala, the pujari lights the sacred fire - homa or havan. Offerings are made into the sacred fire as a form of thanksgiving and purification. The grooms waist band and brides dupatta are tied in a knot and they circle the sacred fire seven times (pheras) and make the seven vows to each other:

·                 Faith in God forever

·                 Promise of love, fidelity and compassion

·                 Help each other in all good deeds.

·                 Be strong and righteous.

·                 Show love and goodwill to all the family members.

·                 Raise their children with values and high morals.

·                 Be welcoming and respectful to all guests and visitors.

o    Vachan:  After Kanyadaan, the bride asks the groom for certain promises. She, still seated on the right hand side of the groom, asks him for seven vachan or promises which he is required to understand and agree to, in order to have the bride come to his left side and accept being his wife. The vows reiterate the importance of communication, love, and trust in the marriage.

o    The groom agrees to abide by the vachan. He requests the bride for the same commitment. Once she answers in the affirmative, the bride goes over to the groom’s left where she seats herself. This signifies that from that day forward, she takes the place in and of his heart, which is on the left side of the body.

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